I was still a little sceptical going into this mornings CBT session but was very pleased with how it went.
Most of the session was me questioning myself and asking why I'm the way I am. Why do I think must not fail? Why do I think I must deliver 100%, Why do I think I want people to like me? etc. etc.
It certainly made me very aware of some things. She kept asking and pushing trying to get me to realise some things that were very obvious to someone on the outside looking in but not obvious to me.
Most of it points back to me wanting people to like me. It appears I need acceptance and approval to get by. For example if the worse came to the worse and I lost my job and had to accept and lower paid job I would see this as failure in my part and would worry that this would make me less acceptable to friends and family. I would worry that they would see me as failing.
I can see this isn't true but the whole point of the exercise is to get me to acknowledge this and just be more aware of my thinking.
I've got some homework to do :-) for next week. I need to write about what I'm thinking at certain times and why I'm thinking it, how it makes me feel and why it makes me feel that way.