Got the OK from my doctor to return to work this morning which while being a relief was also a worry. I managed to get a relatively good nights sleep last night and arrived at work with a few butterflies in my stomach but nothing else. I had about 1000 emails to wade through.
I was doing OK until I had a brief catchup with my boss. Amongst the info he gave me was a bit of news that induced what I would call a "wobble". The news was partly expected but still enough to start a full on anxiety attack. At that moment it felt like the last 3 weeks hadn't happened and the tablets weren't working at all. I became all doom and gloom again even contemplated running back to the doctors shouting "I can't cope!!"
I felt physically sick and just kept going over how useless I was because I wasn't able to cope. I went back into my boss's office and basically had a very open and honest chat with him and he was very helpful and supportive.
I took a slow walk to get a sandwich just after lunch and really wasn't hungry but it was enough to clear my head and snap out of it. It was only this afternoon that I felt I was actually able to contribute anything productive. I came home feeling much better and more positive. I just hope I can keep it going.
I feel so helpless when an attack takes over. It's as if I'm a passenger and have no control.