Monday, January 24, 2005

kidding myself

Well I've clearly been kidding myself the last few days. I went to the doctors this morning and started talking about how I was doing and returning to work and out of nowhere I broke down in tears again. I had to admit to myself that I've been trying to be overly positive and committed to returning to work because thats what everyone thinks I should be doing. In truth I'm still panicing about everything.

The job, money, my family, my relationship with Katie. They all come under the microscope constantly. And now a 3rd week off! I've tried picking up the phone a few times to talk to my boss but end up crying like a baby, how pathetic is that.

My doctor's signed me off for a further week. She still seems confident that the Cipralex will start working and I'll feel the benefits but she's only going to give it until next Monday and then she'll put me back onto Seroxat. She's resisted the Seroxat because it has had a lot of bad press and even though I've been on it before I may react differently when starting again.

I'm still not sleeping properly either.

The tablets worked ok for the first night but everynight after that I've been falling asleep later and later and feeling progressively worse each morning when I wake up. She's prescribed me some Temazepam this time, a tranquiliser.

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