Monday, September 27, 2004

Up & Down

That's how I'm feeling at the moment. One minute fine, the next is down. When I'm feeling down, I just want to curl up and sleep and forget about everything.

Had a nice weekend up at my Dads, we haven't been up there since just after Christmas. Journey up was fine, 2hrs 40 minutes. Journey back was ok until we hit the M25 and then travelled all the way from about 3 miles before the M40 all the way round to the M3 doing between 20-30 mph and that was at 10pm!

Had an excellent lunch yesterday at the Cogglesford Mill Restaurant in Sleaford and I can thoroughly recommend the Steak and Ale with Puff Pastry. They were huge portions and tasted fantasic. I also had the best Tiramisu I've ever tasted.

Dad's poor eyesight is clearly getting him down but I wonder what he expects me to do about it when he reminds me almost every time we speak. Of course hearing how down he was makes me feel even worse.

I'm going to try and get an appointment with my psychologist to see if talking it thtough with him would help at all. I think I've realised that the anti-depressants weren't stopping the anxiety, they were just softening the blows. The stupid thing is that I know I'm over reacting. But once my mind starts chipping away at something I have no idea how to pull it back. This is pretty much the only thing I can think about at the moment. I've no appetite and just feel really lethargic.

I'm not going to just roll over and let it beat me though. The easy option is to quit the job and go and do something else but I love my job and really think that what I'm doing is worthwhile and makes a difference. I will find a way of dealing with this.

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