Tuesday, June 08, 2004

Dr Dr

Had some mild anxiety this evening, first time for ages. I think this is down to a couple of things:

Firstly, I've got my referral through for my appointment with the clinical psychologist. I want to come off the anti-depressants that I've been on since last July but am very wary of doing so without some help. It was when I came off them last year that I took a turn for the worst with the anxiety attacks. I got referred to the psychologist then but it was too late as I was already back on the anti-depressants by then and feeling fine by the time I got to see him. I think it took 3 months last time. I'm very surprised as it's only taken about a month this time. This time I need to be able to understand why I have the responses I do to certain situations at the time I'm having them. I guess I could just stay on anti-depressants for ever but I feel that I shouldn't need to rely on drugs just to exist. It feels like being a failure having to rely on drugs

Secondly, I'm a little worried about a small mole like lump that seems to be growing on the side of my head. It seems to have doubled in size in a few weeks and feels quite hard, almost like a scab. I'm trying not to have ANTs as they're called in anxiety circles (automatic negative thoughts) but it's now worrying me enough to make a GPs appointment tomorrow to see what's what.

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