Wednesday, June 09, 2004

Backs feeling better

Only a little bit stiff today. Booked my appointment with the Drs for next Tuesday about the lump on the side of my head, I'm sure it'll be nothing (fingers crossed).

Told my boss today about the psychologists appointments and he was very supportive, just as he was last year when I had the attacks. I just need to make sure I don't take too much time off with appointments, a fine balancing act indeed.

Going to get back into the badminton next wednesday with my mate Martin and booked my spinning for next Tuesday. That reminds me, I need to see if there are any spaces left for this Sunday too.

Tow What?

My new tow bar turned up today so that's my work cut out for the weekend :-S - shouldn't need to cut or drill anything but I will need to remove the bumper to get it installed. Removing bits of car bodywork makes me nervous. Strange how I'm happy working with thousands of pounds worth of complex computer systems yet if my car goes wrong I can do nothing about it. I'll lift the bonnet to check the engines not dropped out but that's as far as my expertise goes.

Got more car expense this friday when it goes in for it's MOT and a new ABS sensor and Master Brake Cylinder - hopefully that will fix the godawful squeaking that they introduced by changing all the pads last month!

1 comment:

  1. Anonymous9:43 pm

    Hello Steve
    I happened upon your blog just now, your web site address popped up in my MSN IM thingy so had a look. It has been a while.

    I went on the anonymous thing as I wanted to comment on your unhappiness, maybe others can also benefit too.

    What you have written is very similar to what happened to me, I suffered terribly from depression/anxiety which ended up in meltdown a couple years ago. I was working at MSFT in Silicon Valley and it got to the point where I couldn't manage to go into the office. Some days I would get halfway there and have to turn around. Thank heavens for VPN :)

    Lessons learned -

    1 - antidepressants don't really work. Also, are you sure you have just depression? I was finally diagnosed with Bipolar disorder which sometimes has almost the same symptoms, only if you use antidepressants they can do more harm than good. Also, if you take too much Wellbutrin, it will make you angry, too much Prozac it will make you sex less.

    2- stop drinking. I was self medicating with booze which causes a vicious circle - you get drunk, feel a bit better, but even worse with the hangover. I haven't had a drink in 5 years.

    3- stay away from the depressing stuff. This is why I left the UK, the combination of the weather plus the British in general really dragged me down. All those films you have listed too are not good if you are in a sad place. Sounds lame but it really helps to stay positive.

    4 - get a book called Feeling Good : The New Mood Therapy
    by David D. Burns. This has a bunch of stuff which will help you understand why you feel so bad. All of the things you write early on in the blog are standard patterned things dealt with in the book. It's called cognitive therapy.

    BTW - you know who I am, last time I saw you was at a party at Paul's house in Farnham. I will post my details to your email if you want to chat about this.